My Pubes, Or Lack Thereof
In an effort to promote team unity and/or express its contempt for my job and all those similar to it, The Company recently moved several of my co-workers into a large shared work area (aka an old conference room). At first this was only inconvenient, since it is hard to talk to S. about the latest celebrity gossip news when your boss is uncomfortably close by, screaming “Fuck” into his phone.
However, after a few days, a weird chemical reaction took place. Instead of fleeing from each other at the first available opportunity (the logical thing to do) we began going to lunch together, drinking together and generally forming an “Us Against Them” mentality, which was nothing new for me except my “us” previously included only myself.
Besides cultivating a strange co-dependence, the quarantine effect also led to an abandonment of all professionalism. Now it is not unheard of to have a Monday morning smile greeted with “What happened? Did you get laid this weekend?” or to have one’s lunch selection of potato chips critiqued due to one’s expanding waistline.
It was all very funny until the day my boss and two co-workers tried to guess whether or not my pubic hair was blonde, decided it was not, then debated whether or not I actually had any pubic hair, eventually decided that I did, and then told me that I should get rid of it.
“CB, come on, this isn’t the seventies! Get with it!”
“Oh my God,” I told them, at a loss for how else to respond. “I am totally calling HR.”
Silence.
“You know,” my boss intoned, “You shouldn’t let anyone hear you say that. That's really bad.”
“Haha.”
“No, seriously. Actually," he continued, “If anyone else heard you, you could probably get fired.”
“Seriously?” CB, this isn't the seventies?!
“Yeah, it promotes a hostile work environment.”
Not that I was actually planning on approaching HR, but if a half-joking suggestion of doing so can get you fired, why do we pay people to work in that department?
33 comments:
My boss said the same thing to me. Are you actually living in Virginia and my co-worker?
Oh, I'm sorry that they were discussing your pubes...sick! I'm not a prude, but some things really are pushing it, and I think that's one of them.
At least your coworker doesn't draw pictures of people sleeping with the boss cartoon style on a notepad, stand up from his cubicle and show you them.
(Maybe you can start that trend and regain your popularity in the conference room)
I'd say the discussion of your lady parts constitutes sexual harassment in the workplace---*they* could get fired for that.
so what color is your pubic hair?
creepy! you can't get fired for saying you are "totally calling HR" you can, however, get fired for telling your employee to shave off her pubes.
jeez...
;)
-Jew
Actually I think your boss may be right--I think you can get fired for that. Not that you will be, but I really think you can.
It's considered being threatening or something.
I just found out that your back. If you go private please consider adding me to your list.
I love reading your blog.
Nice work place convo.
That is absolutely filthy.
How is calling someone on their blantant sexual harrassment more hostile than the blatant sexual harrassment itself? I don't get that one.
My advice: tell them the next time they do something similar that if they don't cut it out you -will- call HR.
You know, the funny thing is that to me, it didn't get really serious until your boss said you could be fired for going to HR. Tell HR -that- and in a decent work environment, that'd put him in the toaster. Ofcourse, I'm not sure how decent your work environment is; maybe you -could- be eventually fired for talking to HR, based on some phony charge that they trump up.
Personally, though, I wouldn't care; I'd rather be a dependent of my partner looking for work then being told that I could be fired for standing up for myself.
You could always talk to HR and say that you don't want your boss fired, you just want him to not make threatening comments when you threaten to call them on their sexual harassment.
That said, I've heard that lower hair (male or female) is generally if not always the same colour as one's natural hair color (mine is).
I'm trying very hard to resist being all feminist and outraged right now.
I guess if you're not inclined to actually go to HR about the blatant sexual harassment, then I would come up with an equally inappropriate conversation to embarrass them with...
Yeah that makes a whole lotta sense. You can get fired for even mentioning HR yet the mention of your pubes calls for a hearty laugh?
Um, I'm in HR and he would be at the very least seriously disciplined if they knew he had (a) condoned the comments to begin with and (b) threatened you about reporting it. Not only are there federal sexual harassment laws in place that were violated, but it's an additional crime to threaten retaliation when someone tries to use those laws. And "creating a hostile workplace" refers to what he was doing; it doesn't refer to what you said. I realize you probably don't want to drag HR into this, but please know that he is WAY in the wrong about this.
Glad to see you're back. I missed reading your blog for the past few weeks!
:-)
Your boss sounds like a twat. Pardon the pun.
Thanks you for coming back, work sucks with out you!
Oh isn't that great? What tools... but good for you for calling them on it.
My boss has come up with age jokes and it bugs me... basically anytime we talk about something, she cracks that I'm too young to remember it. Maybe I'll bust out the old jokes...
very ironic situation...
your boss is a dumb-ass.
I always thought pubes were dark unless you had red hair, making you a fire crotch regardless if you're a natural blonde.
I once accidentally* de-pantsed a co-worker. Even more unfortunately, she was not wearing underwear. Her pubes were red, matching the hair on her head.
No one called HR. (Luckily for me)
*I did not intentionally de-pants her. It was a combination of bizarre circumstances that cannot be adequately described in a brief comment. Suffice it to say, there was plenty of embarassment to go around.
Hahaha. Wow... thats awsome. :)
Excellent post. I'm so glad you're back.
Sexual harassment issues aside, no one has yet said anything to the effect that the carpet does not always match the drapes. This myth has got to be debunked!
Oh - and your boss should totally be canned for encouraging such a situation.
Ok, who really has blonde pubes?
Secondly, I really don't get all the hair removal - in a sense. I believe in neat and trimmed but this commando/landing strip thing is ridiculous! If that is necessary then I absolutely demand hairless balls & backs!
Nothing odd about a little workplace pube-chat, but calling HR is hostile?
Maybe if you worked in the office of a strip joint, but otherwise, yer boss is a fucking idiot.
It will all be okay. Instead of talking about my pubes, some of my male co-workers mentioned my ponytail would be an excellent handle, but I should have two, I can only assume for better leverage. I thought it was hilarious, in an embarrassing sort of way.
so do you or don't you?
CB, I'm so sorry, although I'm so glad you're back, because what else would there be to distract me from a dissertation on money laundering?
No, Haahnester, I'm telling Beth and we are not going to let you out of this one. You will blog about this!!!!
yes monicker!! i'm a natural blonde, and the carpet (though shaved) certainly does NOT match the drapes...never has...though i'm sure if i would lay out in the hot hot hot sun...day in, day out...there would be blonde highlights.
It's about power. You are cornered. It absolutely fucking sucks. It sucks hardest when you're pretty, because then it's not just submission they are after, but submission that makes you seem sorta sexually available. I'm sorry you're being subjected to this. It's a fucking game that will suck out your soul while pretending to do you a favor, and your female coworkers will play along, setting each other up for "special attention," because that's the closest thing to status and respect y'all can hope for. Stockholm Syndrome, indeed.
Go read Twisty, but don't blame me for the repercussions.
All I can say is that if you were in Australia a comment being made by a boss like telling HR is a sackable offence would almost result in a general strike.
Wow. I seriously think that all I could do is stand there and blink at him. What a douche.
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