No Tourists Allowed
I believe legislative action barring tourists from entering the New York City subway system during morning rush hour needs to be taken. (Rush hour being defined as the period between 8:15 and 9:05 on Mondays through Fridays, not including holidays.)
I understand that this great city attracts a large number of tourists, all of whom want to take the subway and then bitch about how dirty it is. I also understand that the process of purchasing an item from a machine can be very difficult, especially if you are an idiot. And so given my wealth of understanding and kindness, I am willing to let everyone freely use the transit system at all other times, including the afternoon rush hour.
However, when I am running three minutes late, it seems unfair that some bitchy mother and son duo at the MetroCard machine, who don’t want to accept my help because CLEARLY I am a blonde pickpocket in dress shoes, have the power to catapult my lateness from the “Oh well!” variety to the almost-spill-my-coffee-as-I-run-to-my-desk variety.
And naturally, once the mother purchased the card and the argument about the receipt had been resolved (“Did you press ‘No’ Bobby? I pressed ‘Yes’! Did you press it?”) I had to wait another three minutes as the woman swiped and cursed at the entranceway, blocking traffic and generally sucking, which brought my lateness full circle to the “Oh well!” variety again. You just can’t hide fifteen minutes.
You may say “CB, but if you hadn’t had sex with Re-Boyfriend all yesterday morning, you wouldn’t have been late yesterday and I don’t hear you calling for a moratorium on sex.” You may say “CB, if you had just left Re-Boyfriend’s apartment earlier this morning, you could have avoided these visitors all together.” You may say “CB, if you would keep track of when your MetroCard is expiring, you could allot extra time for your commute on the days when it’s necessary to purchase a new one.”
And to you I say, “Whatever. Stay the hell out of the subway during morning rush hour.”
35 comments:
Hear, hear! Also, why doesn't anyone from out of town know how to walk single file? It's as if they are incapable of it.
Although I am not a New Yorker, nor do I live in a city with a subway, I will tend to agree with you because I can appreciate your plight. I feel the same way as people driving on the road during rush hour, when they are not in a rush to get to work! Damn tourists/vacationers.
I recommend separate machines/entryways/whatever needed should be established for the idiots/people living outside big cities.
My favourite(?) is inability to move your legs once you step off the escalators. It's like "Oh, wow! We're in a whole new floor! How fancy is that, Susie-May?!?" causing a very nice piling activity by the people coming up the said escalators. Move two feet and me shocked there to your hearts content! Idiots.
As a chronically late commuter, I'm with you sister.
Maybe you should stop being a such a pickpocket, you pickpocketer.
Thankfully, I mostly walk to work, but have had to make the occasional commute.
It's amazing how out-of-towners percieve New Yorkers, as homeless/drunk/coked-up muggers. Everyone's a bit surly while on their way to work in the morning.
Hell, colleges have orientation, why not NYC? What to expect of people, how to behave and how to swipe a Metrocard among other things. That would make our life so much easier.
I feel that way but for different reasons. Tourists don't really hold me up at rush hour, but they make the trains FAR too crowded on my way to work and, really, I've got a hard enough day ahead of me and would it be SO bad if I just got to sit down on the way to work and read a book? But no, fifteen old biddies need to take the train DURING MORNING RUSH HOUR and sit and gab (and there might be nothing worse than hearing that at 7:30 in the morning) and take all the seats. Because they can't start going shopping at 9:00 instead of 8:00.
-dies laughing-
Oh man. I've never even been to NYC. I'm afraid you'd kick my ass of the subway. =)
Another gem, CB. Great description of annoying people. :)
It's always worth being late if the reason is sex.
Public Transportation the true equalizer. First come first.
Expect the unexpected. A stitch in time saves nine. Big lesson to learn in life is leave early, get there on time=no stress.
Ok, no subways in LA, but I want the same restriction put in place regarding the idiots who are on vacation here in Los Angeles, going NO WHERE at 7 am on a workday when I am trying to get to work on the four freeways I have to take to go 20 miles and of course they are driving like EXACTLY 65 mph or even a little slower when everyone else is driving the normal speed of 75 to 80 mph and you just want to run them off the road because they are so damn annoying... alright, thanks for letting me vent, I feel better now :)
I find myself wondering how I found this blog, but loving that I did. I am using it as a tutorial on all things NYC. If I ever make it there from the suburbs, I will avoid the subway in the AM, I will walk swiftly and with Gaydar in alert. Thank you CB, you are truly a master.
KDub
Agreed CB, agreed.
Of course in my city we used to have a street car rather than a subway, but the principle is the same. People ride it like it's an amusement park ride, while everyone else is just just trying to get to work. Ride it to your little hearts' content in the afternoon, but keep your fannypack-culotte-white keds-wearing asses of it during the morning rush.
cb,
another laugh-out-loud, feel-like-i'm-right-there-with-you post. love it.
and BIG congrats to the before-work morning sex. you rock.
~N
God I'm jealous...I want sex before work...then again, I just want sex.
I want to be 20 something again and not be ties down to the responsibility of a husband and a job and oh wait, this isn't about me...Sorry.
As a traveller who uses subways when I visit new cities, I would be willing to live under these restrictions. It is nice to mingle with the locals, but...
And beann37...ahem, YES there is a subway in LA, I have been on it many times. It is nice and pretty too. Check it out!
It's a good point.
cb
Gee, you sound a bit cranky for some one who spent the morning making whoopee. First the vibrator and now this...Hmmm...Are we having "sexual" problems?
If you think I enjoy dealing with subways and being looked at like I'm an idiot, you're out of your mind. And I'll claim ignorance. "No, I do not know what the F*** I am doing, I drive a car EVERYWHERE, yes I am just as frustrated as you are."
Growing up in the mid-west, where everyone over the age of 15 owns a car... I had a tough time with my first subway-card-machine-whatever and luckily was with someone who knew what I needed to purchase.
Good to know to stay out of the subways in AM, altho I would have accepted your help in a heartbeat, CB.
Okay, I'll stay off the subway during rush hour if, when you come to the beach, you stay off the roads while I am trying to get to work. The tourists drive 20 miles under the limit while looking for their destination du jour. Then, once located, they will swerve across however many lanes they need to to get where they want to go.
Are you still allowing them the right to walk and then *stop for no reason!!!* on the sidewalk? You are a kinder New Yorker than I.
Don't get me started! Why do they walk 5 across on the sidewalk? You have my permission to elbow or knock them down as necesarry.
Are you kidding? Tourists don't get up before 9am.
Are you kidding? Tourists don't get up before 9am.
element, that's what I was thinking. Can't be real tourists if they're up that early.
What----ever!
love it.
Oh please, tourists get up VERY early. Surprisingly early. I once saw a group of - to use CB's term - old biddies huddling in a circle on the subway platform at Rockefeller Center at 7:30am. They were all wearing matching shirts that boldly stated: "What happens in New York stays in New York!" So perhaps they kept their early rising a secret when they returned home... oh, and they were also sporting some badass fanny packs.
just wait til you move to Brooklyn...
While I do not live in NYC, I used to work in DC and the tourist there are just as bad! Everyone driving 10 to get pics of the monuments while I'm trying to get to work - people just stopping in the street, snarling traffic for miles, as if turning on your four-ways makes it okay! Just like we have designated HOV lanes, we also need designated STS lanes (stupid tourists stopping lanes).
We have the sidewalk hoggers in Downtown Chicago as well. Huge tour busses of old ladies and asian people whipping out their cameras and getting all excited to see the architecture and the flags and group of 20 or so huddle on the corner taking pictures and blocking people who are trying to cross the streets. What's worse is this type of corner hogging is encouraged by the tour guides!!
Wow ! This post has morphed from people 'holding' up the machine to not letting people walk on side walks.
Very tolerant people, if I may add.
AA.
1,could leave for work 10minutes earlier.
2.have the hotels sell metrocon tickets
3. Have city worker outside the sub-way to instruct guest to the city how to use the Subway
4.Or continue to be a Bitch and complain and make fun of innocent tourism who probably haven't had a kind word said to them since they've arrived there.
Miss, yes, there is a subway that goes to like two places, no where near anyplace I need to go, like work for instance, sorry but it is mostly there for the tourists who want to go to Hollywood and the Queen Mary or downtown, the only places it goes. Oh, guess it goes to THREE places, so sorry.
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