Q: How do you talk to a girl about her weight?
A: Don’t. She doesn't have any of this "weight". She is like air.
“I have a potbelly,” I announced, looking at myself in Re-Boyfriend's mirror.
“You’re tiny.” Re-Boyfriend said, in a somewhat patronizing tone. “You know you’re tiny.”
“I know I’m tiny,” I said indignantly, “But I also know that I have a little pot belly and I want it gone.” I don’t like being spoken to as if I have issues.
“You don’t have a potbelly.”
“Yes I do, don’t lie, I know I do.”
“But it’s like the most perfect pot belly ever. It’s like in Pulp Fiction when the girl says 'I just want a little, sexy pot belly,' or whatever. That’s what you have. A perfect little curve.”
He stepped forward and put his hand on my stomach, then slid it up my shirt. This effectively ended the discussion, but the seeds of an obsession had been planted. (Clearly.)
There are really only two acceptable body shapes for girls. Skinny and flat-chested, or rounder with big boobs. (Or skinny with big boobs but I prefer to believe those girls do not exist and are only wearing padded bras like me, or starving themselves into an unnatural state just to make the rest of us feel bad).
I am of the skinny and flat-chested variety, which means that I can eat whatever I want and gain neither weight nor boobs.
Unfortunately, sometimes I take the whole “I can eat whatever I want” thing to an illogical extreme, and begin eating hamburgers washed down with ice cream. Not only is this disgusting, this also gives me “a little, sexy potbelly,” which is unacceptable when my thing is supposed to be unalterable skinniness.
If I had cleavage I could try to feel womanly and curvy, but as it is, any weight gain just makes me feel fat.
The Lesson:
DON'T EVER TELL A GIRL HER FAT IS SEXY.
You must deny its existence to the bitter end. If you do not she will:
a) write about it in her blog
b) eat french fries three meals in a row, just to be defiant
and
c) decide she is never getting naked ever again. EVER.
Update: Will probably be getting naked tonight. Flesh is weak.
38 comments:
PROPS TO YOU!!
I know exactly what you mean!!
FINALLY someone understands!!!!!!!!
I think it's unfair to put men in a spot by asking that kind of question.
The denial part, I agree with, but again, it's usually a no-win situation for us.
I'm of the curvy/big boobs variety, and I know i've got extra cushion--there's just no denying it. When my man tells me he loves my 'curves', I believe him, because I'm too old to pretend I'm something else.
Life's too short to not like yourself the way you are!
guilty (of the fat-blogging & the french fry binging).
my love rolls over in the middle of the night + the sliver of fat around my middle is what he reaches 4. i'm amazed that he loves that so much. + CONFUSED!!!
the hell?
And magically, when chicks of the curvier/bigger-boobed variety try to become that skinnier/big-boobed girl, just the opposite happens...the stacked rack is the first to go...at least in my case, I end up being flat-chested girl with wiggly hips. it's cruel, really.
I think we all feel the sorriest for the large-bodied/small-breasted girls.
Should we?
Being of the "wow you should see a surgeon" fat variety with boobs I fear losing weight for without my tits what am I? A fat girl has to learn to hang on to something and to lose it can kill them. Although I have blogged as well and eaten my fair share of defiance food.
Just FYI your blog brings much joy to me in the West Coast.
I have a tummy but I'm too damn lazy to do anything about it. Working out is worse than having a tummy. So I deal with it while snacking on Bonbel cheese.
I wish I were as fat as I was when I thought I was fat.
I have that same convo with boyfriend all the time, except he hasn't gone down the devil road to admmitting the pot belly.
Yay for skinny + flat chested girls!!
Sung at the top of my lungs:
"Potbellied girls, you make the rockin' world go 'round!"
Oh CB, you have brought laughter and joy (and somewhat sadness for calling attention to my defiance eating) to my dreary day.
And good on you for getting naked tonight. Flesh IS weak.
Yeah, I am still here. First things first. Ever have a discussion with a guy about the size of his dick? The answer should always be "It's just right" or "It's huge." We're dealing with the same concept here. Body issues just plain suck. Anyway, you forgot to talk about those skinny girls with no boobs that spend daddy's money getting nice top shelf store bought boobies. Maybe if you want 'em, Re-boyfriend will pitch in and buy you some titties so you can feel like you have some curves to you. I'm out.
Lol!! That was an enjoyable read!
I read most of ur posts from the beginning and I must say, I enjoyed every moment of it! Especially all the events related to ur Re-B are hilarious though I do wonder how he is comfortable with u writing abt it! I guess he doesnt have a choice!
Loved it, and so true. Am one of those girls with good tits and an ass you can park a bike in, struggle to maintain that cos the first sign of dieting, and boom the tits are gone. Personally find that the following approach works well:
Him: you're a little bigger with your clothes off
Me: wish I could say the same for you! Don't worry about undressing, let me help you find your car keys!
tits and hips rock.
In all honesty, and bravado aside, aged 40 and mother of 2, so really have very little choice, best use what you've got and not beat yourself about.
rachh
On the night I lost my virginity I said to my boyfriend and first love "I have a bit of a belly" - hoping, nay, expecting that he would say "no, of course you haven't". His reply was "Yeah, you can do something about it though, if you want to." Needless to say I burst into tears...
apparently there are camps where the skinny girls with big tits go to get the right body shape.. but even so I REFUSE TO BELEIVE THEY EXIST..
yay for skinny flat chested girls!!
i canna think a 1 man i no turnin doon 1 woomin acus she had a wee tum tum or not
all cats r grey a nicht
I'm naked as I read this.
Look on the bright side, maybe you're just 10 weeks pregnant.
Look on the bright side, maybe you're just 10 weeks pregnant.
I have a belly that could block out the sun, but strangely, every guy I have dated and even ones that I haven't has had a fixation on squeezing my belly fat with glee.
Incidentally, I'd give anything on earth to be a skinny flat-chested girl. Be glad for what you've got!
Honestly, when I'm having a "fat day," I just wear a low cut shirt. I'm of the larger chest/larger everywhere else variety... I figure people will be so focused on my boobs their eyes will never get down to my gut. Mwuahaha...
Dating girls definitely helps me with the body image issue -- you can see and touch and understand first-hand that the belly really is sexy, even when the belly owner thinks it's all bloated and jabba-the-hut huge after four days of drinking microbrew and waiting for your period to start!
Dude get over yourself. There are some people out there with real, serious body image problems. I hate it when skinny girls get it in their heads that they're fat when they gain 5 pounds. That's the problem with this material obsessed society, and people with this mentality propogate the problem. You're young, you eat what you want, be grateful that you have the option of eating unlike half of the world's population, and get over yourself.
love yourself, CB. You're a beautiful person. Well...all I know of you is your writings.
Am of the curvy variety...and embrace my curvaciousness with much enthusiasm...as do my male admirers.
Confidence is sexy. At least that's what they tell me. Love yourself. :)
I've always been, ahem, big boned. Occasionally, I lose a few pounds. Then, I inevitably find them. It's okay, though, because I'm happy with my body - big bones and all.
My last boyfriend - not so much. One day, he walked up to me as I was dressing, stood off to my right side, put his hand on my belly and, shaking it the way one would rub a chubby puppy, said, "It looks like you're losing a few pounds. It makes you look cuter because you're not as big."
The belly rub kicked off the beginning of the end of our relationship.
CB
In addition to suffering a mind/body disconnect, we here in western civilisation seem to suffer a mind/body part disconnect. We are all so much more than just a sum of our parts. People judge each other based on externals and in doing so set themselves up to be judged by their harshest critic - themselves. Try to find inner beauty in other people and you will have the side benefit of being less hard on yourself. Flesh is weak,it is also only a temporary state. Enjoy!
I can so relate to the NEVER getting naked again. Especially during the gusty fat winter months I hope the sun will never come out so I don't "have" to wear a bikini. But when the sun pops out it's just all about finding the one bikini that makes your boobs look good and your stomach look, ah, flatter.
Gentle Creature:
As a cat who considers myself an astute observer of the human condition, I must say your post rings true in the context of my F.U.'s recent behavior. Lately my Feeding Unit has taken to disporting himself like a fakir on the area rug where the third leg of our little bachelor tripod, Mr. O'Shaughessey and I normally take our afternoon sun. Since O and I are cats and therefore essentially voiceless, we are forced to watch in silence while F.U. devotes himself to fending off middle age (50 is the new 30, you know) via the practice of bizarre systems of calisthenics involving belts, a huge beach ball, etc. This after having catered bar mitzvahs all weekend attended by the well- maintained wives and daughters of the 90210 set, whose weight and boob-to-waist ratio is such that a burly stevedore could pick them up one-handed by the ankles and drive (pairs of) nails with their nipples.
Not that the obsession with youthful leaness has gotten out of hand here in North Hollywood (the Gateway to Burbank), but between F.U. and those he serves on his way to becoming history's best-looking corpse 120 years hence, I'm beginning to think the nearly impossible combination of stomach veins/36 C's in a 105 pound human female will someday be judged by anthropologists as the beginning of the end for Californicus Erecticus. One day a small tremor will cause the majority of LozEngeles residents to fall through their own sphincters and hang themselves, and cats such as myself and the nonplussed Mr. O will once again have to fend for ourselves - an eventuality we do not look forward to in the least.
I must say I'd prefer a slight pot, not only on yourself, gentle creature, but my F.U. as well.
Yours,
Beauregard
It can't be healthy to laugh this hard so early in the morning.
I remember yeras ago a passenger of mine asked if I thought she was fat, without hesitation I said "yes!". She gave me the best tip I made for that day.STRANGE!
I'm crackin' up cause before I even got to his reponse to your pot belly comment I was totally thinking Pulp Fiction chick who likes blueberry pancakes... LOL
Thin with big boobs - totally unnatural (not to mention unfair) and completely utterly one hundred percent done by starvation and possibly substance abuse in order to make the rest of us feel like Orcas.
Did that help?
Ur effing cool. when i grow up, im SO being like u! Ur blog brings me great joy. visit mine, R/R. Http://ponylovergirl101.blogspot.com
TTFN, Ta ta for now!
After hitting 40 no amount of dieting worked and I couldn't help gaing weight--it just felt comfy. Thirty pounds mostly went to my lower abdomen and I soon had to camoflauge a jutting pot tummy. Then on a morning I was fretting what to wear, my husband affectionately patted my pot and declared how sexy it looked to him! The end result was that he got me to get much fatter (25 lbs. more) and now I've a wide rump that he lightly swats with love! Getting fat can be a blessing too!
Fattie Frances
my gf has been getting reel chubby lately and have tryed to tell her she better loose some of that waight b4 she is 2 beeg, but she no take the hint and just letting herself go, pretty soon i going let her go if she no shape up
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