My Awkward Moment
My boss had just finished a visit to my desk and was preparing to depart the area of the company bitches in favor of his corner office.
"Wait," I said, remembering an e-mail I had wanted him to see. "Don't go. I have to show you something."
He turned, smiling. "It's been a long time since a woman said that to me."
Eek!
Inappropriate workplace situations do not make me uncomfortable because I am offended by the sexual innuendo, but because I have no idea how to respond.
Though he clearly had, if not crossed, at least brushed the border of propriety, I couldn’t bring myself to give a sassy smile and respond with "I bet it has," or "I can see why."
However, he had made a joke (one I might have even found funny from another person's mouth) and to ignore its existence entirely seemed awkward.
But it would be difficult to acknowledge the comment in a pleasant manner without flirting. And what if he had not been flirting, merely old-man-commenting, and my inadvertent flirting was perceived as inappropriate?
By the time I was through over-thinking my response, an inordinate amount of time had passed.
"Well," he asked impatiently. "What did you want to show me?"
I gave a small, uncertain smile and carried on, business as usual.
I hate cases of almost-but-not-really sexual harassment because they are so awkward.
29 comments:
I'm not sure that this qualifies as sexual harassment. Definatley bad humor, but unless he's actively flirting with you and/or trying to pressure you by using your job as leverage, I'm pretty sure it doesn't qualify as harassiment.
Oh well... still a funny story though. ^_^
Either way, the "inordinate amount of time" served you well -- the best response is no response. Way to deflate that ego! Nicely done!
Yikes! I hate it when old men do that. It's almost like their life goal is to make you uncomfortable. Lol. Hopefully he doesn't do it again...
For years I was the only woman in an all-male work environment. I learned to get over whatever the guys were saying. They were only trying to get a rise out of me anyway. My advice to you is: give as good as you get and treat it all as the joke it is.
My humor is a little like that. I hope I don't come across as harrassing... Perhaps the problem is not so much what he said but your thoughts of him in general?
sounds like it was pretty self-deprecating, so maybe not harrassment. just a bad joke. the worst part of jobs are having to deal with bad jokes by a boss, i sympathize.
Probably a slip-up on his part... didn't put a whole lot of thought into it, just said it. With that said, not very appropriate for the work place. Funny, insightful blog you have here. I like it.
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hey girl. yeah, he sounds like a dope. sexual harrassment begins when one co-worker tells the other: this behavior makes me uncomfortable. since what is riotous good fun to one set of individuals is demeaning and inappropriate to others.
While it seems like an offhanded remark, bosses like this need to take a sexual harrassment class. In this day and age it simply isn't appropriate. Count your blessings that he isn't as bad as the boss on "The Office". I love your blog, your a kick in the pants!
Jillian
http://alumimnumlunch.blogspot.com
He sounds like he would be perfectly at home on an episode of The Office.
What a doofus. When I worked at Mother Corp - a big, faceless insurance company - not a day went by that I didn't hear similar stories from colleagues.
What is WRONG with these people? Don't they know that they'd be better off getting their jollies on the Internet? Less chance of getting slapped with a harrassment lawsuit.
I hate to suggest to just "shake it off," because we spend too much time lingering in discomfort over such matters...it's like the awkward silence...
But hang in there, no response is actually an effective strategy.
WOWEE.. sounds familiar... regardless of the industry you work in there are tons of morons like that out there and very few "good" ways to gracefully exit that kind of situation.
Working in journalism...I know. We cover stories like this all day long meanwhile get the same treatment-- as an example look at Jorno Gripes .
Its a power hungry dynamic of an office that make things like this "acceptable."
this not seems as sexual harassment to me?
don't you think?
Sexual harassment? No but if additional incidents occurred, it wouldn't look good for the boss. It was smart to keep quiet. Not responding with your own smartass comment helps you if there are additional incidents.
cb...sometimes I wonder how anyone who appears to be as smart as you do...anyway if this is your real life and not just a fiction constructed by, well, who knows...keep your letchdar up...creepy old guys hit on everybody just waiting for a response...strangely even a no response response gets them off...they have shocked you into silence ...educate yourself...he knows the game and you don't
by the way the duvet story was great
It took me a long time to figure this out so I'll pass it on-- guys bond and establish relationships by insulting each other. Men are very uncomfortable if a power hierarchy isn't clear (if you have a male dog, you'll know exactly what I mean). So a lot of guys use "humorous" status-indictating insults (or bar fights, or snapping towels in the locker room) to establish the alpha-dog. So you're right, a sarcastic but smiling, "yeah, I'll bet" would have earned you respect points. Oh well, zing him next time...
As an older dude, much like Lennie above (sorry to classify you, Lennie, as older), Boss' comment was probably an attempt to make light, funny rejoinder - not at all a sexual advancement. He's probably smarter than that to consider you as a potential fling. He knows the rules and the ramifications...he probably stressed a little after saying it.
Sexual rejoinders used to be funny and widely accepted in business life until some idiots (male and female) ruined it for generations to come.
As you get older you still think of yourself as younger in some ways. FYI-that's why I read your blog-to remember how much fun it was and how clueless you are in your early twenties. Don't take that as a slam - You'll understand when you're old.
FWIW Cybrarian is mostly correct. She (I presume she) is 100% right about the insults. I wouldn't know how to *really* insult any of my friends because I've called every one of them every name in the book. The "power hierarchy" thing, well, we like to compete and of course we know the results after we do so. But this isn't a wolfpack; it's not as though I get to command other men to do my bidding just because I craftily impugned their sexuality.
I'm in an all male workplace. (Who would have though programming for the military would be so male dominated? Wait, everyone I guess.) And I do not know how to interact with our one female. Mostly I just don't talk to her or when I do I pretend to be gay and clueless. The other guys insult / harass her, but much more gently then they would a man they were friends with.
Ironically, the only ones who don't get insulted are the ones none of us can stand. We’d really mean it, and of course, it’s cruel to say someone is a boring idiot if you actually believe them to be a boring idiot.
Definitely awkward. Makes you feel for the girl who dealt with a situation that made national news:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/02/15/AR2006021501441.html
I know exactly what you mean. What do you do in that situation!?!
Hello dear,
Next time you must be careful in phrasing your statement. Suggest 'Boss please read this e-mail'direct statement and this don't activate his sense of sexual harassment. At times when at the present of women... as the chemstry react I often went jelly and ...so please don't be the starter unknowingly .
The boss should be careful with what he says. The executive suite does not want the kind of problems those comments start. If he has never made such comments in the past, it may have been a slip up.
Perhaps he was testing the waters based on some "signal" he may have perceived you gave him. In that case you be careful in your interactions to protect yourself in the event you must report him.
If we have to, we will deal with him in the executive suite. We'll give him a golden parachute and send him on his way. We'll even give him a great reference.
Nah, not sexual harassment. Just an idiot who needs to learn how to keep his mouth shut.
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A funny story about an uncomfortable situation: the sister of a girlfriend was out to a very expensive seafood dinner with the big boss of her company. He: 60+, reasonably attractive for his age, cultivated, kind: in short, a pretty good guy. Well, the exact moment when Big Boss decides to migrate from father-figure to hose-monkey, his 20-something date from the secretarial pool realized that the oyster she had just eaten was rotten. I think she shrieked and spit a mouthful of food all over the table. I have no idea how the rest of the evening went.
Sorry for my poor English, This is all that I could get living one year in US, However, I really hate how everything in US is SEXUAL HARASSMENT. I was working on COMPUSA SALT LATE CITY. And there was this girl, she was 6, 7 months pregnant by a black guy who after know she got pregnant moved to another city. So, one day I got on the break room and she was crying, for me doesn’t matter where you came from when a pregnant lady is crying you should asked if she needs some help, and was what I asked. She said her body was weird and she looks a monster and all that thinks that goes inside a pregnant woman minds. Just for her feel better I told her the story about a neighbor that was pregnant and every time I saw her I thought how beautiful she was, and after a while I saw this lady but in this time she had the baby already, when I thought what happened where is the beautiful girl that I saw pregnant. Well I do not know what she understood but one month later I got this paper to sign saying that I Harassed her.
After screwing up this comment twice, I shall endeavor to correct it, and then admit that it's too late for me to blog reading.
I've had bosses who could pull this off and have it be actually funny. I've also had bosses from whom such a comment could be as creepy as an invitation to dinner with Jeffrey Dahmer.
What I can tell you with absolute certainty CB is this: if it feels slimy, it is slimy. Always trust your gut on this stuff.
And for those new to the blog thiking CB is being overly sensitive and bordering on the feminista, you missed the hands on the ass scene at the copy machine. Boss is a sleaze bag. And I'm fairly certain no female has purposefully shown him anything of import in years.
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